Let Me Get One Thing Straight. Listen Up.

I don't even know how to react. I am very confused. All I have these days that keeps me moving forward is my dream. AMDA. Today I spoke about the topic with one of the greatest influences on my career and he very plainly flat out laughed at my plans. He spoke down to me like I was a child. He literally laughed. Every time I tried to use the facts about what I'm doing to prepare he said "have fun with your dream. yeah, okay keep dreaming." He tried telling me that I wasn't serious and that I would be married straight out of high school and not think another thought about my dream. It became very clear today that one of the people I thought knew me the very best, doesn't know me at all.

I don't have the typical Utah Girl dream of being married by 19 and babies by 23. That ain't me. I also have this thing, where in all honesty, I don't know how to love, and the very thought of love terrifies me. Who am I to know about love? I have never loved. I can't picture myself ever loving. Every guy I have ever liked I have analysed with scrutiny and trying to find what it is in a guy that I like and don't like, and so far, nearly every single guy I have met does not reach the very high line I have set for myself. I've seen people foolishly fall "in love" with someone and some friends of mine have even gotten engaged at 18. But every. single. time. it was a mistake, and they admitted they weren't thinking clearly and rushed into things and pray that it'll never happen to me. And I honestly don't think it will. I frankly don't ever see myself having the time for love because I am so driven to accomplish my goals, and prove all these people, even some who are supposed to  be my most trusted mentors, WRONG. 

I can do this. I have two and a half years to prepare myself as well. I can, and WILL do this, and I'm never going to give up. Musical Theater is all I have ever dreamed of doing. I have no "plan B" (of course I have plan B colleges, but even there I will do musical theater), musical theater is, and will always be my life. And NOBODY. not my father, my trusted director, my family members, my friends, NOBODY, is gonna stand in my way. 

I can't believe Mr. Eaton said that. And I can't wait to prove him wrong.