One Alright Week.

I am so grateful for this week. It has been so relaxed and I haven't been forced to touch the piano even once.   My mom has been out of town and my dad is always at work so I have been thankfully left to myself a lot of the time! Surprisingly I really have those time that I need to be alone for a while, and I'm always sad when it's over. With hovering parents, I suppose this would be a normal action. It has been very laid back. Of course I had school, but for once in my life I didn't have rehearsal every day after school or oppointments and for this week only, homework went out the window. I came home to a fancy glass of sparkling cider, all my favorite t.v. shows recorded, wearing very little clothing, whatever easy access food I had. Then my bed was always very welcoming whether it was when I just got home from school, mid afternoon, when I got to bed, or sometime around 4 a.m. like last night. I'm not ready for this week to be over, but the sad fact is that it is, and this upcoming week is one of my busiest of the year. Well, hopefully this laid back week has given me enough rest for the upcoming. 

more to come.

Let Me Get One Thing Straight. Listen Up.

I don't even know how to react. I am very confused. All I have these days that keeps me moving forward is my dream. AMDA. Today I spoke about the topic with one of the greatest influences on my career and he very plainly flat out laughed at my plans. He spoke down to me like I was a child. He literally laughed. Every time I tried to use the facts about what I'm doing to prepare he said "have fun with your dream. yeah, okay keep dreaming." He tried telling me that I wasn't serious and that I would be married straight out of high school and not think another thought about my dream. It became very clear today that one of the people I thought knew me the very best, doesn't know me at all.

I don't have the typical Utah Girl dream of being married by 19 and babies by 23. That ain't me. I also have this thing, where in all honesty, I don't know how to love, and the very thought of love terrifies me. Who am I to know about love? I have never loved. I can't picture myself ever loving. Every guy I have ever liked I have analysed with scrutiny and trying to find what it is in a guy that I like and don't like, and so far, nearly every single guy I have met does not reach the very high line I have set for myself. I've seen people foolishly fall "in love" with someone and some friends of mine have even gotten engaged at 18. But every. single. time. it was a mistake, and they admitted they weren't thinking clearly and rushed into things and pray that it'll never happen to me. And I honestly don't think it will. I frankly don't ever see myself having the time for love because I am so driven to accomplish my goals, and prove all these people, even some who are supposed to  be my most trusted mentors, WRONG. 

I can do this. I have two and a half years to prepare myself as well. I can, and WILL do this, and I'm never going to give up. Musical Theater is all I have ever dreamed of doing. I have no "plan B" (of course I have plan B colleges, but even there I will do musical theater), musical theater is, and will always be my life. And NOBODY. not my father, my trusted director, my family members, my friends, NOBODY, is gonna stand in my way. 

I can't believe Mr. Eaton said that. And I can't wait to prove him wrong.

The Dream.

It is thursday in my little Utah town, but where I have just come from was like the world I wish with all my heart to join in the nearest future possible. There is a woman whom I have met only two months ago, but I have completely become attached to her and every word she says. Her name is Nancy Baumgartner, and she has made it a personal goal of hers to help me and one of my dearest friends, Tanner Forbes, get the big future we have our sights set on. His dream is (as of now) Western Michigan. Mine is AMDA. 

This is speaking colleges, mine(AMDA), a college that I have done basic research on and already know I belong to walk that campus and be a part of that New York atmosphere. I have been to NY once before, last year, and within ten minutes of walking around the skyscrapers and in crowds of individuals that all seemed to have SOMEWHERE to go, I KNEW that it was where I was meant to spend a great portion of my life, I just didn't know the how or the means or the where. Now I'm really starting to. I meet with Nancy once a week, (and am discussing with my voice teacher now whether or not it would be for my greatest interest to take voice lessons from her as well) and when I meet with her in her home, we talk futures and the hows of accomplishing our goals and reaching our "un-reachable dreams" that don't seem so out of reach anymore. We talk auditions and the knowledge that I really need to be up-to-date on having to do with Musical Theater and Broadway and AMDA. I am learning so much and still have so much more to learn and understand! 

High School is not my home, never has been my home, never will be my home. Being only a freshman last year and a sophmore this year, I know (knew) that I am older in years of...I suppose maturity is a fit enough word. I look around at my fellow students, all amazing people, but all amazing people who have no ambition or goals or strong desires or (for most of them) no depth. Their conversations are bland and expected from a high school mouth. It is agonizing to have to spend a majority of my time with people who only care about the "now" and girls who's main focus is on looking pretty for immature boys (there's an insecurity about the whole idea of high school students that I just don't relate to) and with an atmosphere that I find I just don't belong in in the slightest. It is nice to go to Nancy who is the only adult in a 100 mile radius who speaks to me on an adult level, and with an amount of respect that I feel I deserve. I am not just another teenager, and I nearly refuse (in the most polite way possible) to be treated like one. I know what I want and where I'm going, I just need help on the means of transportation.(getting there) (I mean this metaphorically, and literally...I have yet to require a drivers license, or even my permit!) 

Well, in short I am excited for the future I am setting out in specifics before me, and cannot wait to be living my dream (and not living in high school!). Maybe if I were to look at high school in a positive way, I could say it is teaching me EXTREME patience, which in all honesty, I could use a little work on!

More to Come

High School? Boys? REALLY? ugh -__-

So my love life is just like my iPhone!! I don't have one. I've switched from guy to guy since the school year started, but high school boys can't seem to hold my attention long enough! My mind tends too often to wander off to New York City at one of the possible future schools I'll be attending after high school to find that guy that'll leave all the others behind in comparison. He'll be everything I've ever imagined and more, and somehow he'll find me absolutely irresistible. well. that's the dream anyway. 

There was a guy that I met during the summer that was really something. His name is Greg, he's attractive, single, a professional actor, amazing singer, he's in a movie (Pitch Perfect, Tenor #3, actually a BIG role!!) and he's not some ordinary high school wanna be. I was attracted to every piece of him, particularly his tatts. He has a lizard on his calf, one of those heart beat symbols on his lower other calf on the side, and, my personal favorite (i WILL get it if i ever get brave enough to get a tatt) he had a treble clef sign on his right bicep. I wouldn't get it on my bicep tho(: His hair was a dark brown and he was muscular without it being obvious. He was a little lacking in height, but still taller than me by about four or five inches. He was nearly perfect! and twenty. 

He surprisingly enough DID show interest, but I doubt he would've if he knew how old I am. Anyways that didn't go anywhere outside of my imagination because he was on a plane back to new jersey/new york/louisianna (take your pick, I'm not sure, I just know where he's from, where he goes to school, and where he works) And I'll probably never see him again. Unless he comes back here for the spring..but I shouldn't get my hopes up. I'll just try to live it up in high school, but that's gonna take some real effort. I'm not meant for high school. So I'll focus on getting to the college of my dreams instead of high school hah. alright. that's all for now!

Hi World, I'm Ashley.

So I've never been much of a blogger before, but i used to be into writing in my journal, and after watching a t.v. show called "Awkward." a girl in the show used her blog as her journal, and i figured since no one will even knows about my blog, WHY NOT? So here is my journal blog. if i remember to update it...well we'll see how this goes. Hi World, I'm Ashley.